Official "jokes" thread.

[my67xr]

Have to remember this for next time I get pulled over


Davo: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Yes sir you were speeding.

Davo: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Davo: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Davo: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Davo: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Davo: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Davo: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Davo: His body parts are in plastic bags in the boot if you want
to see.

The Officer looks at ol mate, slowly backs away to his car, and
calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior
officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Mate could you step out of your vehicle please!

Davo steps out of his Commo.

Davo: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this
car and murdered the owner.

Davo: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the boot of your car,
please.

Ol mate opens the boot, revealing nothing but an empty boot.

Officer 2: Is this your car ?

Davo: Yeah mate, here are the rego papers.

The first officer is stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving
license.

Davo digs into his bumbag and pulls out his license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you..... one of my officers told me you didn't
have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked
up the owner.

Davo: Betcha the lying prick told you I was speeding too !

 

[xLOCOx]

Ahahahahaha omg, im in tears!! this is great!!!

 

[Cordogs]

An Italian, an Irishman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a Sydney construction site.
The foreman points to a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping."
To the Irishman he says "You're in charge of shoveling."
To the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies."
He then says, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile."
So the foreman goes away for a couple hours, but when he returns the pile of sand is untouched.
He says to the Italian: "Why didn't you sweep any of it?"
The Italian replies in a heavy accent, "I no gotta broom, an' you tella me dat de Chinese'a guy supposa bringa da supplies, but he disappear and I no finda him."
Then the foreman turns to the Irishman and asks why he didn't shovel.
The Irishman replies in his heavy brogue, "Aye, that ye did, but I couldn't get meself a shovel. Ye left the Chinese fella in charge of supplies, but I couldn't fin' him."
The foreman is really angry now, and storms off looking for the Chinese guy.
He can't find him anywhere and is getting angrier by the minute. Just then, the Chinese guy springs out from behind the pile of sand and yells... "Supplies!!