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What's the difference between an old tyre and 365 used condoms ???

ones a good year


the other is a fucking good year
 
I knew a blonde that was so stupid that.......

* she called me to get my phone number.

* she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."

* she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.

*she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

*she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

*she tried to drown a fish.

*she thought a quarterback was a refund.

*she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

*she tripped over a cordless phone.

*she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

*she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.

*she studied for a blood test.

*she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.

*when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.

*when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.

*when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home
 
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
 
yeah, that sucks haha but my dad laughed *lame* haha nice jokes abouve about the condoms n stuff haha
 
What's The Best Thing About Being An Ice Addict ???

Only Two Sleeps Till Christmas :D
 
how do you prevent probs with you ducar?

Dont buy one!!! :D
 
How do you kill a ducar engine?

Show it a lifan engine!!...................bit lame i know:D
 
Water proof teabags.

Parachootes that open on impact.

something that drys as it gets wetter. A towel




What do a 9 volt battery and a hot chicks ass have in common. You keep licking it even though you shouldn't - that was one of my dads mates jokes, heard it at the pub.
 
ash tray on bike

irish inventions:submarine with a fly screen
: motorbike with an ash tray
:water proof boat

dont laugh about the ash tray, seen a lighter and tray on a vf750 shafty a few years back while in ballarat,vic
 

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