This is LMAO funny. Ricky just sent me this. His been putting this together for a bit of a laugh.
COMMODORE DRIVERS TRUE ROAD TRAFFIC LAWS
Okay, so now you’ve gotten your licence, you’re on your P plates and you’ve got yourself a Commodore. You’d like to think the road rules don’t apply to you … well you would be right!
Below are listed some simple exemptions and tips for all you Commodore drivers out there.
Indicating
Don’t worry about indicating. Indicators are those piss weak things you use to warn other motorists of your intention to get in their way.
1. You never need to indicate when pulling out of a parking space
2. Don’t indicate when changing lanes – other drivers can guess what you are doing
3. As a matter of fact, find the smallest gap you can and change lanes aggressively – this shows how big your dick is
Parking
Parking? Man we have it down packed. Its like bowling, the more the better. So take up as many parking spaces as you can.
4. Always park on the wrong side of the street – make you preggers girlfriend step out on the road, not you
5. Park in as many spaces as you can take up. We have rusty cars and its in the best interests of other motorists that they don’t park too close to our cars, so we’re doing them a favour
6. Park on an angle to the linemarking to make it real awkward for other motorists – its their fault for not buying a Commodore
Speed
Speeding is for those who are highly skilled. We have our license and a Commodore, so that makes us highly skilled.
7. Speed as often as you can – Commodores must get there first (wherever “there” is)
8. Speed kills? Bullshit, it’s the sudden stop that does. And we have crap brakes (and mostly bold tyres) on our cars so there is no stopping to threaten us.
9. Cops chasing you? Put ya foot down. You own a Commodore so they can’t catch you. You are more skilled than they are, even Brocky. Brocky is dead, you’re alive, so that makes you better than him – go fast!
Tailgating
10. Tailgating is only illegal for those behind you! If you’re being tailgated, hang out ya window and act mean, give the guy the finger, and yell abuse at him
11. However if the car behind you is a cop or ambulance, don’t get out of the way … slow down. Make someone’s life a misery
12. If you’re tailgating someone and they’re not moving out of your way, put on your highbeams and yell abuse at them. Its your God given right that they must get out of your lane. If the preggers missus is in the car with you, make her join in on you giving abuse
13. If traffic comes to a stop and you’ve abused the driver in front so much he’s about to go-you, avoid eye contact, lock the doors and ignore him. Once traffic is moving again, continue to tailgate and hurl abuse – its his fault for getting out of the car
14. If your tailgating actions causes an accident, follow other examples set by Commodore drivers and flee. Go home and report the car stolen
Lane Changing
Lane changing is an art. Violent jerks of the steering wheel is the name of the game.
15. Find the smallest gap to squeeze into and without indicating (see point 2 above) cut off the driver behind and tailgate the car in front – bonus points are awarded for this move (or is it demerit points are incurred? I can’t remember)
16. If there is no gap, change lanes anyway. The car next to you is in YOUR lane. Take it
17. If someone lets you into their lane voluntarily, give them the finger for being such a pussy. They wouldn’t do that if they had a Commodore
18. If someone doesn’t let you in and you steal the lane, give them the finger for being such a pussy
Reduce Speed
There are lots of stupid situations where your precious Commodore will need to slow down. Not anymore.
19. Don’t slow down in school zones. Scare the kids and speed. Unless of course your picking up your preggers missus from primary school
20. Don’t slow down at road works. Your mate or family member who is doing community service might see you slow down and think you’re a whimp
21. Don’t slow down for a booze bus. Avoid it at all costs. How dare they take away your right to drink and drive
22. Don’t slow down for peak traffic. Change lanes repeatedly (see point 16 above) and get “there” quicker. Use the footpath, that’s what its there for
more to come, not finished yet
COMMODORE DRIVERS TRUE ROAD TRAFFIC LAWS
Okay, so now you’ve gotten your licence, you’re on your P plates and you’ve got yourself a Commodore. You’d like to think the road rules don’t apply to you … well you would be right!
Below are listed some simple exemptions and tips for all you Commodore drivers out there.
Indicating
Don’t worry about indicating. Indicators are those piss weak things you use to warn other motorists of your intention to get in their way.
1. You never need to indicate when pulling out of a parking space
2. Don’t indicate when changing lanes – other drivers can guess what you are doing
3. As a matter of fact, find the smallest gap you can and change lanes aggressively – this shows how big your dick is
Parking
Parking? Man we have it down packed. Its like bowling, the more the better. So take up as many parking spaces as you can.
4. Always park on the wrong side of the street – make you preggers girlfriend step out on the road, not you
5. Park in as many spaces as you can take up. We have rusty cars and its in the best interests of other motorists that they don’t park too close to our cars, so we’re doing them a favour
6. Park on an angle to the linemarking to make it real awkward for other motorists – its their fault for not buying a Commodore
Speed
Speeding is for those who are highly skilled. We have our license and a Commodore, so that makes us highly skilled.
7. Speed as often as you can – Commodores must get there first (wherever “there” is)
8. Speed kills? Bullshit, it’s the sudden stop that does. And we have crap brakes (and mostly bold tyres) on our cars so there is no stopping to threaten us.
9. Cops chasing you? Put ya foot down. You own a Commodore so they can’t catch you. You are more skilled than they are, even Brocky. Brocky is dead, you’re alive, so that makes you better than him – go fast!
Tailgating
10. Tailgating is only illegal for those behind you! If you’re being tailgated, hang out ya window and act mean, give the guy the finger, and yell abuse at him
11. However if the car behind you is a cop or ambulance, don’t get out of the way … slow down. Make someone’s life a misery
12. If you’re tailgating someone and they’re not moving out of your way, put on your highbeams and yell abuse at them. Its your God given right that they must get out of your lane. If the preggers missus is in the car with you, make her join in on you giving abuse
13. If traffic comes to a stop and you’ve abused the driver in front so much he’s about to go-you, avoid eye contact, lock the doors and ignore him. Once traffic is moving again, continue to tailgate and hurl abuse – its his fault for getting out of the car
14. If your tailgating actions causes an accident, follow other examples set by Commodore drivers and flee. Go home and report the car stolen
Lane Changing
Lane changing is an art. Violent jerks of the steering wheel is the name of the game.
15. Find the smallest gap to squeeze into and without indicating (see point 2 above) cut off the driver behind and tailgate the car in front – bonus points are awarded for this move (or is it demerit points are incurred? I can’t remember)
16. If there is no gap, change lanes anyway. The car next to you is in YOUR lane. Take it
17. If someone lets you into their lane voluntarily, give them the finger for being such a pussy. They wouldn’t do that if they had a Commodore
18. If someone doesn’t let you in and you steal the lane, give them the finger for being such a pussy
Reduce Speed
There are lots of stupid situations where your precious Commodore will need to slow down. Not anymore.
19. Don’t slow down in school zones. Scare the kids and speed. Unless of course your picking up your preggers missus from primary school
20. Don’t slow down at road works. Your mate or family member who is doing community service might see you slow down and think you’re a whimp
21. Don’t slow down for a booze bus. Avoid it at all costs. How dare they take away your right to drink and drive
22. Don’t slow down for peak traffic. Change lanes repeatedly (see point 16 above) and get “there” quicker. Use the footpath, that’s what its there for
more to come, not finished yet
