Monday Joke

[stumbows]

One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked the class for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.

First, she called on Little Lisa, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."

"Very good, Lisa," replied the teacher. She then called on Little Tommy.

"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said.

"Excellent, Tommy!"

Then, the teacher called on Little Johnny...

Last night, during supper, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, Beautiful, just f*%@# beautiful!"

 

[50s BRotherhood #1]

^^^ post up some jokes of us then


haha ya mum jks are dead

ya mums so fat she uses a matress as a tampon

ya mums so fat i had to roll her in flour to find her wet spot

ya mums so poor she blows dogs for quarters

ya mums so fat when she had her rain coat on i thought it was a taxi

i know more but anyways

oh lame jks are the best:

why did the kid fall off his bike??






cause the other kid threw a fridge at him
bahahaha

 

[Ruby]

An even bigger joke is that we can make racist jokes here about Abos and all, but start a thread about a political story on lesbians and it gets locked.

 

[stumbows]

I agree ^^^ there was nothing very derogatory in that thread.

And it raised some very important issues and i think most of the conversation was quite sensible in there too.

It should never have been locked.

 

[Ruby]

Such is life!

 

[cass38a]

^^^ post up some jokes of us then


haha ya mum jks are dead

ya mums so fat she uses a matress as a tampon

ya mums so fat i had to roll her in flour to find her wet spot

ya mums so poor she blows dogs for quarters

ya mums so fat when she had her rain coat on i thought it was a taxi

i know more but anyways

oh lame jks are the best:

why did the kid fall off his bike??






cause the other kid threw a fridge at him
bahahaha

Ya mums so fat you dad burnt his arse on the light bulb.

 

[cass38a]

You can fool some of the people all of the time.

You can fool all of the people some of the time.

But you only need to fool a majority of people for one day every three years to be primeminster.

 

[RACKA]

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.

His friend says: "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man."

The man then replies: "Yeah, well we were married 35 years.

 

[RACKA]

black jokes are not that funny

 

[Mintard]

black jokes aren't funny at all, they're just rude, i have a few mates that are black and they're really decent people...

 

[coolmodee01]

most jokes are fuuny
sompeople are just prats

there's a time and place for everything
but on here just keep it clean

and 50,s
why couldn't the dolphin turn around in a tunnel?






he was driving a truck..........

 

[Custom]

Dont make political jokes.... the last one got elected

 

[jayden-pitbikez]

racist jokes are the funniest but i wont say any cos it's fair tight.
this is one of the stupid jokes lol
why did the kid fall off the swing? his mum threw a fridge at him, why did he fall off his bike? his mum threw a fridge at him, Why did he get a broken arm? his mum threw a fridge at him,
Why was he hospitalized? he got hit by a truck

What did the Farmer say when he couldnt find his tractor?
wheres my tractor

Why did the plane crash
because the pilot was a loaf of bread

 

[Cactus Jack]

"towel Heads"

"TOWEL HEADS" .........

I recently received a warning about the use of this politically incorrect term so please note :

We ALL need to be more sensitive in our choice of words !

I have been informed that the Islamic terrorists do NOT like to be called "Towel Heads" and get quite upset by the terminology since the item they wear on their heads is NOT a towel but in fact a SMALL FOLDED SHEET !!!!!!!!!

Therefore from this point forward , please refer to them as " Little Sheet Heads " !!!!!!

Thank you all for your compliance on this rather "delicate" matter ............

 

[$heepy]

damn i have some rippers but im not gunna say them on this forum cos i will assure you they will offend some people.

 

[motoXXX]

cum on man its a joke thread if ppl take it seriuos they are stupid

 

[$heepy]

nah i dont want to get on any ones bad side though

 

[$heepy]

There was a blonde driving down the road one day. She glanced to her right and noticed another blonde sitting in a nearby field, rowing a boat with no water in sight.

The blonde angrily pulled her car over and yelled at the rowing blonde, “What do you think you're doing? It's things like this that give us blondes a bad name. If I could swim, I'd come out there and kick your butt!”

Once there was a blonde who really needed some money. She saw an ad in the newspaper for a job at an Elmo factory. She went down and applied, but the manager told her that she wouldn't want the job because it was so boring. The blonde begged him and told him she would do anything because she needed the money really bad. After long consideration the manager hired her.
After a few hours the manager looked at the video-monitor showing the factory floor and saw that the conveyer belt was backed up. The manager went downstairs to find out what the problem was. When he arived there the blonde was sewing two marbles into the crotch of every Elmo.

The manager said, ''I said to give each Elmo two test tickles; not two testicles!''

One day three women went camping - a blonde, a brunette and a redhead. The blonde suddenly had to go to the bathroom. She went into the woods with her toilet paper and did her business.
While she was gone, the brunette and the redhead decided to play a joke on her. They skinned a rabbit and snuck up on the blonde, put the guts behind her and ran back to the campsite. Three minutes later they heard a scream.

Then they waited another half an hour and the blonde came back, sweating. She said, "I had to poop so hard I pooped my guts out. But thanks to God and these two fingers, I stuffed them back in."

 

[Custom]

Bloke calls his boss "boss i wont be in today im pretty sick"
boss "how sick are you?"
bloke "im in bed with my sister".......nuff said

Bloke calls his boss "i wont be in today i got a problem with my eyes"
boss "what sort of problem?"
bloke "i cant see myself going to work today"

 

[Cactus Jack]

How to tell the sex of a fly !

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her
husband stalking around with a fly swatter

"What are you doing?"
She asked.

"Hunting Flies"
He responded.

"Oh! Killing any?"
She asked.

"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked.
"How can you tell them apart?"

He responded,
"3 were on a beer can,
2 were on the phone."